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A post for the “new” gays out there – the queer people like myself that aren’t s… : A post for the “new” gays out there – the queer people like myself that aren’t sure when it’s “acceptable” to call yourself/refer to yourself as gay/queer (or however you wish to identify)

I don’t know if I’ll say the right things here or if they’ll even be very concise but I wanted to give it a go as it’s something that’s been on my mind for a while now.

I’m 34 years old & until last year had never dated someone of the same sex. I’d had sexual experiences with women but I predominantly dated men. That all changed last year when I slowly came to the realisation that I wasn’t happy & wanted to delve deeper into my sexuality & try to make sense of it.
It’s been somewhat of a light bulb moment. I’m now obviously with a woman, the absolute love of my life and I know that this is ME now. I’m set for life because I’ve never felt this way before, I’ve never felt so comfortable within myself.

There’s a niggling worry in the back of my mind though & I don’t quite know how to word it. I feel like there’s this “acceptable” amount of time that you’re with someone of the same sex, before you can refer to yourself as queer, or wade in on queer discussions or be seen as part of the queer community. I *think* that this is all in my head, I think that I over think things like this and this probably isn’t the case but I can’t help thinking these thoughts after seeing comments about myself at the start of the year on a gossip site. I since haven’t read the opinions of these people again, and never will but it’s definitely got me thinking.

There seems to be certain gatekeepers of the gay community or even the heterosexual community. Almost like you have had to have been in a queer relationship for a year or two before you can pass go and collect your gay citizenship. Any less time than that and you’re ‘just doing it for attention’ or ‘it’s just a phase’.

I’ve probably said a lot here, without saying very much but it’s something I think/worry about so it’s definitely valid & it’s something I need to unpack more & something I’d love your opinions on, articles I could read etc.
#queer #love #gay #relationships #pride

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