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Happiness is something I tend to fight. This might sound strange, but hear me o… : Happiness is something I tend to fight. This might sound strange, but hear me out. I’m used to feeling anxious, not good enough, sad, worried…I feel like if these emotions were GCSE’s; I’d get A⭐️‘s across the board.
Happiness isn’t something I let myself revel in for too long and I have no idea why?! On the outside, for the most part I come across as a cheery, jokester, I LOVE to make people laugh… but underneath I tend to fight a fair bit of sadness. I feel like being in pain everyday (thanks to chronic illness) can make you deeply sad. It’s SO tiring. It’s tiring having to face every single day. Happiness makes me feel insecure because I’m almost waiting for things to go wrong.

Lockdown has meant I’ve had to spend a lot of time on my own, with my thoughts and I’ve spent a lot of time dissecting my mental health. I’ve stripped things back. I’ve spent less money, taken breaks from social media, organised parts of my home that needed it, stayed connected with those who make me feel like the best version of myself and put less pressure on myself to say yes to every event/social gathering. Lockdown bought myself and my girlfriend a lot closer. I’m so thankful for that. We’ve only been together 6 months but I feel like we’ve known each other for years yet I still get goosebumps every time I see her. I regularly say things like “I can’t believe how happy I feel”, “What did I do to deserve this?”, “I can’t believe you love me!”
I’m not sure why I struggle to feel worthy of happiness or even love, but when I do… I’ll let you all know.

Dress – @asos (gifted) / Bag – @mango / Sandals – @fitflop #plussizefashion #plussize #whitedress #summer #lockdown #outfit #mentalhealth #happiness

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